You received the happy news of being pregnant but can’t stop worrying about all the things that can go wrong. That’s natural, especially for the first pregnancy or after you’ve already experienced a miscarriage. I went through this vicious cycle six months ago and wanted to share things that have helped me get through it:
1. Stop reading
If you are like me, you have done a great deal of research on the topic of miscarriage. You spent hours reading different articles about miscarriage and Google search every possible keyword related to it. It’s good to be educated, but it’s not good to obsess about it. Friend of mine who went through several miscarriages told me to just stop reading about it and when I did, I stopped thinking about it as much and stopped stressing out as much. So for the first trimester, just take your prenatals, limit your exercise to walking & swimming which are safe, eat healthy diet, and see your ob/gyn regularly. There is abundance of scary miscarriage articles and most people can fit just about anything you read. Some people bleed and have cramps but don’t miscarry, some do. In any case, talk about your issues with your ob/gyn but stay away from self diagnosis. Limit your reading and rather spend your time resting (because after the baby comes, there won’t be much of that!)
2. Start writing
Start writing a journal. In early pregnancy most people don’t want to tell others about their pregnancy so talking your feelings over with others is not an option. Write a journal when you feel like you need to get it off your chest. It will help you sort out your thoughts.
3. Write down the good things about the worst-case scenario
I know it’s hard to see anything good about such a tragedy and loss. Maybe the timing isn’t right, maybe the person you’re with isn’t the right one, maybe the baby wouldn’t be healthy. Have faith that everything is as it should be – everything comes at the right time, so take it easy. I also remind myself that “Everything happens for a reason” and “God gives his toughest battles to his toughest soldiers”.
4. There is a 99% chance your fears are a waste of time
There are many scary stats about miscarriage and infertility. Among all those I’ve read, here is one that’s worth remembering: Just 2 percent of pregnant women experience two pregnancy losses in a row, and only about 1 percent have three consecutive pregnancy losses. That’s very large chance to have a successful pregnancy the next time around. And most women who experience more than three miscarriages still go on to have a healthy baby. So even though your miscarriage is not happy news, chances are next time it works out.
5. Get busy doing what you enjoy.
Take your mind off your pregnancy for the first trimester and do the things you enjoy (that don’t hurt the baby of course). Take walks, naps, read, watch comedies, go out to lunches… enjoy alone time, because when the baby is here, there won’t be any for a long time!
Lastly, when negative thoughts creep out on you, tell yourself to stop. At times it gets hard to stay positive but when you notice you’re worrying about miscarriage, tell yourself that negative thoughts won’t help you but hurt you. You have nothing to lose by deciding not to stress out right? So when your fears haunt you, say “I will not stress out over this because stressing out over it won’t help anything.” In fact, some studies say stress makes miscarriage more likely (and some don’t find the link) – either way, stress causes health issues so stay as calm as possible.
I hope these words will at least help some of you feel better. Let me know how you cope with your miscarriage fears – what makes you feel better?
Fighting Pregnancy Loss & Infertility 